How to Look Busy at Work Without Doing Anything (A Masterclass in Corporate Camouflage)

Looking busy is an art form. It’s performance, it’s theater. It’s faking productivity so convincingly that even your boss starts asking you for tips. Here’s your complete guide to winning the corporate survival game—without breaking a sweat or actually doing anything.

I’ve mastered the ancient art of looking busy while contributing absolutely nothing—just ask my 14 open tabs and unread Slack messages.

I. Welcome to the Professional Hunger Games

Let’s get one thing straight: work is not about work.

Work is about appearing to work.

Somewhere along the way, productivity became less about results and more about optics. If you respond to emails quickly and look stressed on Zoom, congratulations—you’re a high performer. If you quietly get things done and take a lunch break like a European? You’re a flight risk.

So yes, I’ve built my career on smoke, mirrors, and a very convincing squint. And now, I’m passing the torch. Or rather, the blinking cursor in a Word doc I’ve had open for 36 hours straight.

II. Mastering the “Desk Setup That Intimidates Interns”

If your desk looks empty, so does your calendar.

If your desk looks like the cockpit of a 747, you’re clearly running point on something massive. Even if you’re not sure what.

Required Props:

• At least three open notebooks, all with cryptic lists like “Q3 metrics vs. ghost funnel?”

• A stack of printouts with meaningless graphs

• A personalized coffee mug that says something like “Strategic Disruptor”

• Wireless earbuds in at all times, even when not connected to anything. Especially then.

Bonus points if you occasionally sigh while staring at a spreadsheet. Doesn’t matter what’s on it. Could be your grocery list. Just make sure it’s color-coded.

III. The “Active Slack Presence” Illusion

Slack is where careers are both made and quietly euthanized.

Rules of Engagement:

• Status: Always set to something vague but ominous. “Deep in Q2 strategy” or “Heads down on onboarding sync.” No one knows what this means. That’s the point.

• Respond quickly—but with delay. Make them wait a beat before you “circle back” or “loop in Marissa.”

• Use jargon like it’s oxygen. Leverage. Bandwidth. Action items. Even if you’re talking about lunch.

Example:

“Can we align on this by EOD? I’m just making sure we’re not duplicating lift across swimlanes.”

What does that mean? Nothing. But you sound busy. Which is what matters.

IV. The Zoom Performance: You’re Meryl Streep Now

No one’s looking at your work—they’re looking at your face.

Visual Tricks:

• Nod constantly. Not just when someone talks, but during silence too. It’s menacing and confusing.

• Take notes dramatically. Make sure they hear the pen scratching. Bonus if you furrow your brow like you’re solving a hostage negotiation.

• Occasionally unmute yourself just to say “Totally agree” or “Sorry, can you repeat that last part?” You don’t need to have been listening.

Advanced move: Keep your camera on and freeze in a thoughtful pose—then walk away for 10 minutes. If your internet’s bad enough, no one will notice.

V. Email Mastery: Weaponize the CC

Email is not a communication tool. It’s a battlefield.

Basic Templates:

• “Just circling back…” = I’m pretending I care about this while subtly blaming you.

• “Flagging this for visibility…” = I’m starting drama but with HR-friendly language.

• “As previously mentioned…” = You’re on thin ice.

Use big words. Add bullet points. Format like a Harvard Business Review article. You’re not writing an email. You’re constructing plausible deniability.

VI. Calendar Defense: Build a Fortress of Meetings

If your calendar is open, your soul is exposed.

Pro Tips:

• Block fake “focus time” every day. Name it something intimidating: “Pipeline Strategy,” “Workflow Optimization,” “Executive Summary Brainstorm.”

• Create recurring meetings with no purpose. Invite one other person, cancel last minute, reschedule. It’s the corporate tango.

• Join optional meetings with your camera off. Say you’re “just listening in for awareness.” This is like attending class in high school but refusing to take the test. Beautiful.

VII. The Hallway Face (My Favorite for How to Look Busy at Work)

Whether virtual or in person, your walk face matters.

You should look like you’re two seconds from a breakthrough—or a breakdown. Either works. If you smile too much, they’ll assume you finished your work. Smile less. Look slightly inconvenienced, like you’re late to a heart surgery you’re performing with Excel.

VIII. Keyboard ASMR and Other Soundtrack Hacks

You don’t need to work—you just need to sound like you’re working.

• Turn keyboard clicks on LOUD. Let them echo through the office like gunfire in a cubicle jungle.

• Occasionally drop a mild curse word, as if Excel just personally insulted your family.

• Say things like “These numbers aren’t adding up” while looking at YouTube analytics.

Make them fear your efficiency. Then return to scrolling Zillow.

IX. Outsource Your Soul

Let ChatGPT write your updates. Let Canva make your pitch decks. Let Notion build your second brain. The trick is pretending you’re doing everything by hand, when you’ve outsourced your humanity to software.

And when someone catches on? Look exhausted. Say you’ve been “heads down” for days and might have missed something in the shuffle. People trust tired people. They think you’re honest.

X. When In Doubt, Pretend to Quit

The greatest corporate power move is hinting at a better offer without saying it out loud.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…”

“It’s been a transformative few quarters.”

“I’m just not sure if the vision still aligns…”

Say these things slowly. With long pauses. Then log off early “for personal reasons.”

They’ll assume you’re being poached by Amazon or in a silent war with your manager. Either way, you’ve bought yourself six more months of not doing anything, while being labeled as “essential.”

XI. Final Boss Level: Become a Concept

The goal is to become so deeply embedded in the system that no one actually knows what you do—but everyone fears the day you stop doing it.

Like a decorative column in an old building. It’s not holding anything up, but if you removed it, the whole structure might collapse. Or at least people would freak out trying to figure out what it was attached to.

Congratulations. You’ve become a “thought leader.” Which is HR code for: Does nothing, but has a vibe.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Lazy. You’re 

Efficiently Strategic

If capitalism is going to commodify your time, you may as well give it the illusion of productivity. That’s your real job title: Chief Illusion Officer.

And if your boss ever questions your output?

Just sigh, dramatically. Say: “I’m working on something big. You’ll see.”

Then open another tab and Google “how to fake being a functional adult.”

You’re welcome. Now you know how to look busy at work.