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Reviews from the Abyss
Satirical reviews of books, services, movies, products, lifestyle trends


Weighted Blanket Review: It’s Like Being Hugged by Someone You Owe Money To
In this brutally honest weighted blanket review, I test the Cuteking — a 25-pound emotional trap disguised as comfort. It promises rest but delivers pressure (both physical and existential). Funny, useful, and just a little bit traumatic.

Julian Vane
3 days ago5 min read
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May You Always Stream in Suffering: The Worst Movies to Wish on Someone... Like Your Enemies
Ever hated someone so much you wanted them to sit through Eraserhead? Here’s the ultimate list of cursed movies to emotionally sabotage your enemies—legally.

Julian Vane
Jun 45 min read
9 views
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