May You Always Stream in Suffering: The Worst Movies to Wish on Someone... Like Your Enemies

Because sometimes revenge is best served… painfully slow, plotless, and inexplicably French.

Looking to emotionally punish your enemies without legal consequences? Forget slashing their tires—just recommend these cinematic abominations. From Caligula to Cats, here’s your SEO-optimized hit list of films that feel like spiritual punishment. You’re welcome.

Recommend these films to your enemies.

Introduction: The Non-Criminal Art of Cinematic Revenge... With the Worst Movies to Wish on Someone

There are many ways to get back at people. You can key their car (illegal), talk behind their back (petty), or, if you’re a class act like me, you recommend a movie so unforgivable that it scars their inner child.

This article isn’t about “so-bad-it’s-good” films. No, no. This is a list of movies that are so torturous, so irredeemably awful, that watching them feels like volunteering for a root canal in a haunted dentist’s office.

And if you’re thinking, “Well, some people like these movies!” — good. That means it’ll work even better. This is punishment masquerading as culture.

1. Caligula (1979)

Evil Level: 9/10 — Feels like watching an orgy inside a tax audit.

Imagine if Game of Thrones, Eyes Wide Shut, and your worst acid trip had an orgy, and it was filmed by someone with a grudge against humanity. That’s Caligula.

Funded by Penthouse, directed like a fever dream, and edited by Satan himself, Caligula is a grotesque mess of politics, nudity, and existential dread. It’s the cinematic equivalent of being handcuffed to a radiator while someone reads Latin aloud.

I wish this film on people who wronged me in the seventh grade. Fuck this movie.

2. Eraserhead (1977)

Because nightmares deserve a director’s cut

Evil Level: 8/10 — Anxiety, but with more static and less meaning.

David Lynch made a movie about fatherhood, body horror, and emotional isolation, then wrapped it in the aesthetic of a haunted vacuum cleaner.

If you want your enemies to feel like they’re being slowly suffocated by their own confusion, this is the one. It’s 89 minutes long but somehow takes four hours of your soul.

Fun fact: I saw this sober. I still wake up angry. Don't even get me started about the bearded woman or the scene where he pops a lung.

3. Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

There’s art. And then there’s… this.

Evil Level: 11/10 — Actually might violate the Geneva Convention.

This film has been banned, denounced, and analyzed by people with more degrees than empathy. It’s about fascists torturing teens in increasingly sadistic ways, and it’s often recommended by film students who need therapy.

Salo isn’t bad in the traditional sense. It’s traumatic. It’s what you show to enemies who also ruined your credit score.

Warning: Do not wish this on coworkers. HR will get involved.

4. Cats (2019)

The only film brave enough to animate feline buttholes, then digitally remove them.

Evil Level: 6.5/10 — Death by fur and jazz hands.

What happens when you give a CGI budget to a director on mushrooms? This. Cats is not a movie—it’s an identity crisis with choreography.

Watching this film feels like being licked by a stranger in a dream you can’t wake up from. The cast is star-studded. The trauma is universal.

Do you hate someone? Gift them a Cats Blu-ray and say, “It’s misunderstood.” Then walk away smiling.

5. The Room (2003)

Oh hi, trauma.

Evil Level: 5/10 — Hilarious. Then horrifying. Then back to hilarious.

On the surface, this seems like a fun choice. But The Room is a slow burn of mental erosion. Watching Tommy Wiseau try to approximate human behavior is like watching an alien wear your dad’s skin.

It’s a punishment that makes your enemies question not only their taste—but yours.

Bonus points if you host a “serious movie night” and force them to analyze it afterward.

6. Mother! (2017)

Darren Aronofsky’s two-hour anxiety attack.

Evil Level: 7/10 — The emotional equivalent of sitting on a thumbtack in church.

Mother! isn’t just confusing—it’s aggressively confusing. It’s a biblical allegory wrapped in a fever dream. Things explode. People chant. Someone gets stabbed with a broken sink.

This is the kind of movie you recommend to someone who always says “I’m actually really into film.” Teach them humility.

7. House of Gucci (2021)

An Italian accent crime spree.

Evil Level: 4/10 — Mostly for the pacing, but also for Jared Leto’s performance.

Want to trap your enemy in a slow, confusing, vaguely European biopic where Lady Gaga goes full Tony Soprano? Welcome to House of Gucci.

It’s stylish, sure—but it’s also 2.5 hours of weird wigs and forced accents. And Leto’s performance is so bad, it might have created a wormhole to a worse dimension.

8. Battlefield Earth (2000)

Scientology in space. With dreadlocks.

Evil Level: 10/10 — Scientifically proven to cause migraines.

This film is a crime. Against editing. Against acting. Against the very concept of cinema.

The camera angles? Dutch tilts so severe you’ll need a chiropractor. The dialogue? Like if aliens learned English from a confused waiter.

John Travolta’s hair alone is worth the jail time you’ll risk by forcing someone to sit through this.

9. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Because when a title translates to “Hands: The Hands of Fate,” you already know it’s cursed.

Evil Level: 9/10 — This movie actively resents you for watching it.

This cult classic is so unwatchable, it’s only famous because Mystery Science Theater 3000 tore it apart. The audio is bad. The acting is worse. The pacing is like molasses rolling uphill.

This is a deep-cut recommendation for enemies who think they’ve seen “bad” cinema. Time to show them what hell really looks like: cheap motel lighting and nothing happening for 70 minutes.

Bonus Round: “Custom Recommendations for Specific Enemies”

Type of Enemy	Movie to Curse Them With	Reason
Ex who ghosted you	Cats (2019)	The only thing more awkward than your breakup.
Co-worker who says “Let’s circle back”	Eraserhead	May they drown in abstract discomfort.
That guy who “loves cinema”	Salo	You’ll find out if he actually has taste—or trauma.
Neighbor who revs his engine at 2AM	Battlefield Earth	Because subtlety is dead.
Anyone who recommends Caligula unironically	Caligula again	Let them taste their own medicine.

Conclusion: Let Cinema Do Your Dirty Work

Wishing misfortune on your enemies doesn’t have to land you in court. It can land them on a couch, trapped in a screening of Mother! while you pretend to enjoy it beside them.

These films aren’t just bad—they’re weaponizable. They are emotional warfare disguised as entertainment.

So the next time someone wrongs you, don’t raise your voice. Don’t stoop to their level. Just casually suggest a movie. And walk away smiling.

“It’s artsy,” you’ll whisper. “You’ll love it.”

Call to Action:

Have a cursed movie to add? Leave it in the comments. Or forward this post to an enemy. They don’t need to know it’s a threat. Let the film speak for itself. Let's share the worst movies to wish on someone.