Yes, Trust Falls Are a Lie: My Descent into Toxic Team Building Activities

You’re not crazy — your company’s mandatory ‘team-building day’ is emotional waterboarding disguised as a trust exercise. And yes, I’m still sore from whatever the hell “blindfolded plank yoga” was supposed to be.

Welcome to corporate America, where adult bullying is called collaboration and trauma is a tax write-off.

Why Do Companies Think We’re Bonding?

It always starts the same way: a calendar invite with no details. Just “Quarterly Off-Site: Bring Energy!” If your spine didn’t just shiver, congratulations — you’re either unemployed or in a cult. Possibly both.

The first red flag? It’s never off-site. It’s the same beige conference room, just with hummus.

The second? The “team-building coach” is always someone who used to work in HR but got too into ayahuasca and now wears an infinity scarf as a personality.

Their icebreaker of choice: “Two truths and a lie.” My lie is always “I feel safe here.”

What Is a Trust Fall, Really?

Let’s talk about the sacred ritual of the trust fall. It’s not about trust. It’s about watching Barbara from accounting almost decapitate herself because Brad was texting during the fall zone demonstration.

I once did a trust fall at a team retreat where the CFO let me hit the floor. He said it was a “teachable moment.” I still don’t know what the lesson was. Gravity?

Here’s a more honest version: one coworker closes their eyes and falls backward while another silently debates whether you’re worth a worker’s comp claim. Spoiler: you’re not.

Forced Fun Is Just Coercion with a Frisbee

“Let’s all play cornhole and reflect on our synergy!” First of all, cornhole sounds like an HR violation. Second, I’m not “bad at games.” I just have no interest in tossing beanbags while pretending not to hate everyone on my email thread.

And don’t get me started on ropes courses. If I wanted to dangle above a pit of metaphorical failure while a manager yells vague encouragement, I’d just open LinkedIn.

We did a zipline once. Someone yelled “lean into the discomfort!” as I careened toward a tree. Discomfort leaned back — with interest.

The Most Unhinged Team Activity I Ever Endured

Picture this: it’s 3 p.m. on a Wednesday. The office A/C is broken. Our VP, whose primary skillset is yelling on Slack, announces today’s team bonding will involve a scavenger hunt.

“But with a twist!” she beams. “Each team member must represent one of our company values!”

Somehow I got assigned “integrity,” which feels ironic since I was actively looking for other jobs at the time.

We spent two hours running around the parking lot collecting clues that turned out to be… inspirational quotes taped to traffic cones.

At the end, we were told to reflect on our personal “growth edges.” I wrote “hydration” and walked directly to my car.

Do These Toxic Team Building Activities Actually Improve Teamwork?

Short answer: No. Long answer: LOL, no.

According to every study not commissioned by a corporate retreat company, forced bonding decreases morale, increases turnover, and leads to someone crying in a hotel ballroom at 9:46 a.m. during an “empathy mirroring” exercise.

Real bonding happens in the trenches — like when Sarah from HR helps you craft a Slack message that sounds professional but communicates, “Stop emailing me at 11:58 p.m., Greg.”

Not when you’re building a popsicle stick bridge to nowhere while pretending Jeff didn’t openly undermine you during last week’s sprint retro.

How to Fake Enthusiasm Without Losing Your Soul

I’ve developed a few techniques over the years:

1. The Hollow Clap™ – Enthusiastic enough to pass as supportive, but just hollow enough to communicate pain.

2. The Perpetual Water Refill – Always be going to or from the water cooler. No one can force you into an improv game if you’re “just grabbing a quick refill.”

3. The Strategic Bathroom Break – Time it for the most humiliating activity. Trust circle forming? Suddenly you’ve got IBS.

4. The Enthusiastic Distractor – Ask so many questions about the instructions that the facilitator forgets to start the activity. Bonus points if your questions seem deep, like “What does collaboration really mean?”

What to Do If You’re the One Planning These Events

First, I want you to know: I forgive you. You were probably told this would be “good for morale.” You were lied to. It’s okay.

Second: stop. Just stop.

If you must plan something, follow the only three rules that matter:

1. No roleplay. This isn’t therapy.

2. No metaphors about climbing mountains unless we’re actually climbing a mountain.

3. Feed people. And I don’t mean a granola bar in a plastic bag with a handwritten note that says ‘We appreciate you.’

   
   

Honestly, if you want to build trust, just ask people what they need and then — this is wild — do that.

The Only Team Building Activity That’s Ever Worked

It wasn’t a ropes course. It wasn’t human bingo. It wasn’t screaming corporate mantras into the ocean.

It was sitting around a table, eating overpriced sandwiches, and talking like real people. Someone cracked a joke about our company’s “values,” someone else snorted, and for five blessed minutes we weren’t employees. We were humans. Exhausted, slightly resentful humans. But humans.

We bonded over shared disillusionment. And isn’t that what teamwork’s really about?

So What Should You Do Instead of Trust Falls?

Here are five alternatives to traditional team-building exercises that won’t make your staff plot your downfall in a Slack subchannel:

1. “Silent Co-Working + Snacks” – Sit together, work quietly, eat chips. More bonding happens in silence than during “Power Clap Karaoke.”

2. “Compliment Swap” – Each person writes a compliment for one other person. Limit to one sentence. No group therapy energy.

3. “Burn the Mission Statement” – Literally burn it. Cathartic, symbolic, possibly illegal — but morale will skyrocket.

4. “Manager-Free Hour” – A blissful hour where all supervisors must leave the room. It’s like a spa day for everyone’s nervous system.

5. “Happy Hour with a Therapist” – Drink, but with boundaries. Finally someone will explain why Steve keeps making passive-aggressive comments about the printer queue.

Final Thoughts: It’s Not You. It’s the Vibes.

If you’ve ever felt like team-building was a slow descent into performative enthusiasm and psychological warfare, you’re not alone. You’re just employed.

Work culture will keep trying to sell you trust via trust falls, joy via Jenga, and camaraderie via kumbaya. But real trust isn’t built through sweat and struggle. It’s built through honesty, consistency, and the occasional shared complaint about Kevin’s “inspirational” PowerPoints.

So the next time your company schedules a “mandatory fun” event, just remember: You have value. You have agency. And you can always fake an urgent dentist appointment.

Hope you enjoyed this post about toxic team building activities!