Yes, I became the unofficial HR rep at my toxic job. No, I wasn’t qualified. And yes, I still got blamed for Gary crying in the breakroom. Welcome to the hellscape of toxic workplace HR expectations, where the only thing more exhausting than your job is pretending you’re not already doing five others.

Adulting is hard. Like, emotionally-spiraling-in-a-Trader-Joe’s-parking-lot hard. This brutally honest (and disturbingly relatable) guide will walk you through the chaos of pretending to function—with zero judgment and at least one clean pair of socks.