I accidentally joined a gay pride parade while trying to cross the street. What followed was glitter, confusion, unsolicited hugs, and a brief but intense crisis about whether straight pride should be a thing (it shouldn’t).

I went to a Wafle House at 4 a.m. and watched a kitchen worker celebrate a new pot like it was a promotion. Her manager forced a smile so tight I thought he’d rupture something. This is what early morning kitchen jobs do to people.