I spent $3,000 on a productivity coach who told me to wake up at 5 a.m., chant about abundance, and walk barefoot in a parking lot. Spoiler: it didn’t fix my life. If you’re tempted to pay someone to shame you into hustle culture, read this first.

Working from home was supposed to feel liberating. Instead, I’m a bathrobe-clad hostage in my own kitchen, spying on suburban affairs and losing my grip on reality—one Zoom call at a time.

Yes, I once drove a car without A/C in 90-degree heat just to save $400. And yes, I asked a woman to split the bill on our first date. These are my regrets—also known as “extreme frugality stories.”

Adulting is hard. Like, emotionally-spiraling-in-a-Trader-Joe’s-parking-lot hard. This brutally honest (and disturbingly relatable) guide will walk you through the chaos of pretending to function—with zero judgment and at least one clean pair of socks.